About Me

Smiley faceThis is Samantha St Michaels and I am a transwoman. I have identified as a girl since the time of my earliest memories. Like many transgender men and women I kept in the closet because I believed I had been the only person on the planet with these feelings. It had not been until the mid 70's that I discovered I had not been alone. I had watched the tv series 20/20 which did a segment on transsexuals. They represented us as some sort of erotic fetishism having a psychological condition. It caused me great frustration and I also believed there was clearly something wrong with me as well as the thoughts I had been having.

Some of the earliest memories of my gender difficulties occurred sometime before the age of five. I had always had this deep-seated sense that I was a girl which I guess in such a way I'm lucky, due to the fact a number of other transsexuals really don't figure it out until later in life, if ever. My mother and father often attempted to get me involve in boy oriented things such as football, baseball, and I didn't have any interest in them. I preferred playing house together with the girls next door, since they had a large play kitchen set, as well as Barbie's.

It had been tough I had two sisters and I was the only boy in the family. My dad's pride and joy and I didn't want to let him down. Not only was I the only boy, I was the last of my family line, thus the responsibility of continuing the family name which I'm well on the way of taking care of, having two boys currently.

I did as many transgender people did, I dressed up whenever I could, and feeling guilt ridden with what I had been doing, nevertheless knowing it felt so right to me. At school I had been bullied and teased for behaving a lot more like a girl than a boy I had been continuously known as sissy, I desired to get along with the girls, and I was rejected by them.

By the point I gotten to middle school I had been done being an outsider. I role modeled myself after the toughest boys around. This lasted throughout High School. After which I was determined to prove myself a man and defeat this psychological condition as I had believed it to be. I attempted to sign up the Navy and was rejected right in the recruiting office as a result of all of my injuries, so I entered an extremely masculine industry to prove my manhood which I'm not really comfortable disclosing at the moment .

I had made the decision that I wouldn't undergo transition until I had been done having children. It absolutely was very difficult for me to do, but I was deeply devoted to my family. For me personally family always comes first. Regrettably after many years of waiting I had been once again stopped on my own journey.

For a long time now I have been in poor health. For more than a decade my physicians wrongly diagnosed me. Until recently I found a physician who finally diagnosed me with multiple diseases which have incapacitate me when a flare-up develops. I have been diagnosed with two auto-immune conditions Mixed Connective Tissues Disease and Fibromyalgia, both diseases ironically primarily found in women,

At this time there is no cure, and transition doesn't seem possible for me. I needed to put hormone replacement therapy on hold and change my focus on fighting my ailment. This past 2015 I promised myself that I would conquer these diseases.  I had worked hard and learned to control my illnesses. Personally I think I am regaining my health, or at the minimum putting some of the symptoms into remission. My desire to complete my transition is more powerful than my ailment.

I understand the pain that transgender individuals are dealing with. More so because I accept who I am and cannot continue the journey right now. It's frustrating, but through it all I never stopped fighting, and I won't neither should you. Obstacles are stepping stones in your path to growing to be who you actually are. You simply can't allow anything to stop you. I'm not and neither should you.

Love and Joy to you,

Samantha St Michaels

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